My ex just never got it. And her nagging never stopped. Always nitpicky stuff. “Get a job.” “Stop blowing fortunes on idiot football picks.” “Turn off ‘Sports Center’ and mop the damn floor.”
It made no diff how much I explained things. Not only is sports betting a job; thoroughly analyzing just one game can take all day. A frustrating job, god knows, because most often the result of all that analysis is that there’s no basis for making a pick. And then, of course, there are days like Saturday, when I went 0-3. At least I rated each pick as worth only one star.
Her last straw was years ago when, after I had another losing Saturday, she got annoyed when I started throwing a rubber ball against a wall again and again. “What in God’s name are you doing? Stop it!” I explained I was doing what former Missouri head coach Larry Smith — this is true — told his players to do after we beat the Tigers 66-0 in 1999 (and led 35-0 after the first quarter). Smith told his players it would symbolize how important it is to “bounce back.” Nothing wrong with Larry.
Then she went back to her “get a job” bitching. You see, to her something isn't a "real job" if you never leave the house and consistently lose money instead of making any. To each her own, I guess.
It's all clear now, but I should have seen through her from the start. I see now that I was blind to certain tipoffs that we weren’t destined to grow old together.
For example, I could never drag her to my fave sports bars, to which I was fleeing ever earlier and at which I was staying ever later and imbibing ever more. And God forbid she’d come home after a long day of performing gastrointestinal surgery to discover I’d forgotten to tape her fave soaps, “Days of Our Lives” and “One Life to Live.” I’d gotten hooked on them too but had no interest in rewatching them when I had so much game film to review.
Also, it seemed to me that the quality of her cooking and housework was falling off and that we had less and less to talk about. Often she’d bore me with what happened at the hospital. Marriage counseling 101: don’t bring work home. Increasingly, our dinner-table conversation was sprinkled with insults and awkward silences. She rarely had a kind word for me even in the weeks when my football picks were better than hers.
Finally I decided to start looking out for number one. I asked myself what I was getting out of the marriage that made this worth enduring, and I decided to walk. But leave it to her to take a final shot: “Fine. From now on have fun doing your own bleepin’ laundry!”
A burden had been lifted. Pep started returning to my step. In fact I got so pumped I auditioned — unsuccessfully, sadly — for a ShamWow commercial. Soon, I thought, I’d be back on my feet.
The Sage Selections
Last weekend could hardly have been more nightmarish. Not only did we lose the game, but we lost sixth-year stud linebacker Daniel Green for the season. He’ll be replaced by true freshman Austin Romaine. Backup linebacker Jake Clifton also is out with an injury.
As I peck away Wednesday night, the status of starting quarterback Will Howard remains uncertain. Only a guess: he’ll be able to play, though at less than 100 percent. His backup is true freshman Avery Johnson, who could have to take most of the snaps against a good Central Florida team. This makes me more incensed that he saw no action against Troy. We were leading 35-13 with only six minutes left in the game, so why risk injury to Howard, and why not let Avery get some in-game experience? Yet Howard played the whole game.
I knew Avery was a freak talent when I saw even his sophomore high-school tape. Barring injury, he should be one of the greatest players in Cat history. And from all I’ve gathered he has the brains, maturity and confidence to work through the inevitable growing pains of any true freshman.
As always, the picks below are made with the Socratic wisdom of knowing I know nothing. All one-stars, and they’re worth what you’re paying. I can’t shake “favorititis,” or the inability to resist favorites. I took three favorites last week and all burned me. Worse, two of them, KU and Colorado, won their games without covering for me, leaving them blissful and me seething. The gall of such swine!
Picks rated one to five stars. The more stars, the stronger the pick. Lines are from the Wednesday-night “Scores and Matchups” page of Covers.com. Record for season: 0-3, 0-3 on star basis. Times Central.
Saturday, 2:30 p.m. - *KANSAS –8.5 hosts BYU
Saturday, 6:30 p.m. *TEXAS –15 at Baylor
Saturday, 7:00 p.m. *KANSAS ST –4 hosts Central Florida
S. Bradley Miller of Manhattan is the Fabulous Sage.
